What to Expect When You're Expecting

I've been negligent with my posting lately because my time on the computer has been spent doing actual work. Yuck.

It's no fun at all, but the process of getting this adoption done requires me to spend a lot of time emailing and searching and translating and drafting documents and filling out pdf forms.

You know, pregnancy books and adoption books share in common the fact that they outline a lot of information about what to expect. But while my pregnancy books were right up front about weight gain, stretch marks, skin changes, and morning sickness, the adoption books seem to have overlooked the physical effects of this particular manner of adding a child to the family.

For example, in the first trimester (which lasts about 8 months) you can expect claw hands from signing your name six kabillion times and cheek fatigue from the perpetual smile you wear whenever you talk about how excited you are to be adopting.

Then in the second trimester (also 8 months) you can expect sudden-onset gray hair and the dreaded one-sided shoulder hunch from making seven thousand phone calls.

Finally, in the third trimester, the hair that isn't gray decides to just jump ship all together and fall out. As you glance down at your hairbrush to see just how bad the fall-out is, you will realize that the nervous eating is affecting your midsection in an unflattering way. But you comfort yourself with the knowledge that the rapidly forming stomach ulcer should soon prevent you from eating anything at all. And the fact that your eyes are getting so blurry from hours on the computer that you won't be able to see your own big butt anyway.

I'm beginning to see why they don't put this stuff in the books.

Okay, so we all know I'm exaggerating. Sort of.

But on the plus side, in my verifiable physiological need for a steady flow of chocolate, I have stumbled across an ideal recipe.

It's ideal because it's easy, it's healthy, it's delicious, and it allows me to eat chocolate for breakfast.

Oh yes, chocolate for breakfast.

I give you....



Chocolate Oatmeal.

Oh yes, chocolate oatmeal.

I myself was skeptical at first, but you must realize that chocolate and oatmeal are very good friends. As in, oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. Which incidentally are also an acceptable breakfast from time to time.

So here's what you do:

Make oatmeal.

Sweeten it as you usually would. (In our house, we use a spoonful of brown sugar.)

Add a conservative spoonful of unsweetened cocoa powder. (See, no added sugar or hydrogenated anything -- just pure, lovely chocolate.)

And if you're into that sort of thing, add some sliced bananas on top.

Then inhale deeply. Because it smells so good and because it will make you feel better about your life in general.

And if your kids will eat oatmeal, make some for them too. They'll think it's dessert for breakfast, and they'll be so happy about it that they won't bicker or argue or whine or dawdle for the whole rest of the day.

Okay, so we all know I'm exaggerating. Sort of.