Sin Palabras

Translation: Without Words

That is the best explanation for my lack of blogging lately.

It's unfamiliar territory for me, to be sure. Anyone who's known me for any length of time knows that it is not usually a problem for me to come up with something to talk about. But lately, especially when it comes to this blog, I've been struggling to figure out what to say.

There are a few different reasons for this...

For starters, we have welcomed a son into our home who speaks only Spanish. Much to my surprise, the combination of Spanish classes in school and the studying I did for our Sunday evening phone calls with Israel have actually resulted in me being able to speak Spanish well enough to get by. (And by get by, I mean communicate in a basic way with a limited vocabulary and bad grammar.)

But nonetheless, I have become the official translator for our family, and I spend the better part of the day switching back and forth between speaking English and Spanish. So by the time the kids have all been kissed and hugged, prayed with (in 2 languages) and tucked into bed, I am most definitely without words.

The second reason has to do with the fact that I underestimated how much adding a twelve-year-old to our family would feel like having a newborn. There are no diapers or middle of the night feedings, but as a mom, I'm in adjustment mode. There is more food to cook and serve. More dishes to wash. More laundry to wash and fold. More hands that need washing, teeth that need brushing, and baths that need taking. There are more arguments to referee, more owies to kiss, more bodies to hug, and more questions to answer.

And then there is the issue of my mom-radar operating in overdrive. You're familiar with the mom radar, right? You know...it's the thing that causes you to circle the quiet house one last time at night to make sure everyone is sleeping peacefully (and breathing). The thing that allows you to fold laundry in the bedroom while simultaneously monitoring the sounds of the kids' voices in the backyard for changes that indicate a problem. The thing that counts children every seven seconds when you're out in public. The thing that knows when each child should be hungry, tired, or need to go to the bathroom. And the thing that pulls you out of bed in the morning even though the house is quiet to make sure that everyone is still sleeping peacefully (and breathing).

Yeah, that thing.

And let me tell you, it makes no distinction between newborn and pre-teen. If there is a new child in the house, that mom radar revs up and runs on high-alert status around the clock, which effectively disables the mechanism that allows a mom to put together a coherent sentence for the purposes of adult communication. Leaving me, as I said, without words.

But probably the biggest thing that's been holding me back from posting is that I'm having a hard time figuring out which parts of this time to share and which ones to keep private.

By personality, I'm pretty much an open book. If you want to know something about my life, my background, or my favorite cheese, I'll tell you all you ever wanted to know and then some. It's a trait that's gotten me into trouble on more than one occassion.

But when it comes to Israel, it's not all my story to tell.

I want to be able to be completely open and honest. I want people to be able to participate in this adoption as fully as possible--to know the ups and downs, the struggles and the victories, the heartbreaking and the glorious. I want people to pray for us and our children, to perhaps gain a heart for adoption themselves, and to glorify with us the God who makes all things possible.

But I must respect the privacy of my son.

And I'm having a hard time figuring out where to draw the line. I am without words.

So please be patient with me while I pray over what and how much to share. And please feel free to ask us questions, but understand that we may not be able to answer all of them. And please continue to pray for our family as we navigate new waters.

And to reward you for your patience, I will share with you our new family picture. It's been a long time coming, hasn't it?



But well worth the wait.